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Thursday, 9 December 2010

The Quotable Motorist - funny quotations about cars and their drivers.


Funny quotations about cars and their drivers.

Compiled by Colin M Jarman

The following car quotes are taken from the forthcoming book Laughing Gear: The Quotable Top Gear - 1000 quotations about cars and their drivers to be published by Blue Eyed Books in 2011.

"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks."
Scott Adams

"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."
Tim Allen

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
Woody Allen

"Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down."
Russell Baker

"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers."
Dave Barry

"Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him."
Art Buchwald

"If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside."
Robert Cringely

"Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car."
Will Durst

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
Albert Einstein

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
Doug Larson

"There’s an undeniable pleasure in stepping into an open-topped sports car driven by a beautiful woman. It feels like you’re stepping into a metaphor."
Hugh Laurie

"Remember when you used to tie the Christmas tree to the top of your car and drive home? Now our SUV's are so big, the trees fit inside. The new Cadillac Escalade actually has a Christmas tree holder on the dash."
Jay Leno

"When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there's a good chance the transmission is shot."
Larry Lujack

"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead."
Mac McCleary

"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it."
Dudley Moore

"Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. They are, literally, selfless. A world designed for automobiles instead of people would have wider streets, larger dining rooms, fewer stairs to climb and no smelly, dangerous subway stations."
P.J. O'Rourke

"Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597."
Victoria Wood

The above car quotations are taken from the forthcoming book Laughing Gear: The Quotable Top Gear - 1000 quotations about cars and their drivers to be published by Blue Eyed Books in 2011.

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