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Monday, 5 July 2010

The Quotable Bikini

The Quotable Bikini

On July 5th, 1946, the modern bikini was unveiled in public for the first time. Invented by French engineer Louis Réard, this 'revolutionary' and iconic piece of beachwear was named after the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific.

Réard described his 'invention' as "smaller than the smallest swimsuit." He also said, "A bikini is not a bikini unless it can be pulled through a wedding ring."

To celebrate the unveiling of Réard's modern bikini design, here is a selection of famous and humorous quotations about the ubiquitous piece of swimwear ...

"A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it."
Garrison Keillor

"A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property without obstructing the view."
Joey Adams

"Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital."
Aaron Levenstein

"Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, 'I'm going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway.' "
Maya Angelou

"A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax."
Rita Rudner

"There's a side of my personality that goes completely against the East Coast educated person and wants to be a pin-up girl in garages across America ... there's a side that wants to wear the pink angora bikini!"
Mira Sorvino

"Women shop for a bikini with more care than they do a husband. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow."
Erma Bombeck

"A bikini is a thoughtless act."
Esther Williams

"Since the beginning, the bikini has represented freedom, fun, and a sense of liberation."
Malia Mills

"I’m not in my element standing around in a bikini in front of strangers. I never stand up in a bikini, even at the swimming pool. I feel like a normal person when it comes to things like that. I'm like any other girl who doesn't want to show her bottom."
Elizabeth Hurley

"I really did put up all my wedding pictures on my website. And I swear to you, my wedding pictures got downloaded just as much as my bikini pictures."
Cindy Margolis

"In shops selling bikinis, there are no calendars with pictures of garages."
Pierre Legare

"There is less and less difference between government and a bikini: everyone wonders how it holds, and everyone hopes to see it falling."
Anon

"Once they know you're willing to put on a bikini, the phone won't stop ringing."
Jennifer Barretta

On Britney Spears - "It's a bit sad to wear a bikini to sell records."
Samantha Mumba

"What purpose do the WAGS of the English football team serve? A very simple one. They exist to show nothing changes as far as women are concerned. It is as if a group of embittered middle-aged men got together in a bitch-fest about women and then, somehow, produced living dolls who - shallow, dumb, lazy and living off their men - personified their complaints. WAGs are programmed for three activities: sex, sunbathing and shopping. Obviously they all secretly hate each other and spend their limited brain power deciding which bikini to change into."
Suzanne Moore in The Daily Mail (2006)

Reviewing 'Sunburn'  (1979) - "The only thing tinier than the bikini Farrah Fawcett wore in this comedy-thriller was La Farrah’s talent."
Rona Barrett (1979)

Reviewing 'Mamma Mia' - "Cheesier than grilled halloumi. And, yes, the plot has more holes than a crocheted bikini."
Allison Pearson in The Daily Mail (2009)


Perhaps the most famous bikini wearer of all-time is Ursula Andress who played the memorable Bond Girl Honeychile Ryder in the first James Bond film Dr. No in 1962. Honey's first appearance in the movie - emerging from the sea in a white bikini - has caused shockwaves ever since ...

"In the book, the heroine is walking a beach nude with a knife-belt strapped about her when Bond first sees her. In the movie, Andress fills a wet bikini as if she were going downwind behind twin spinnakers."
Time magazine (1962)

"Ursula Andress emerged from the sea in a bikini just large enough to sheath a dagger."
Jami Bernard in The New York Daily News (1997)

"The sexy, bikini-clad Andress, first seen emerging nymph-like from the ocean, set the gauge at ‘super-hot’ for future Bond girls."
John Farr on HuffingtonPost.com (2008)

"Was it the body or the bikini that made Andress the most memorable (and lusted-after) Bond Girl of all time? ... Give the costume designer an Oscar for creating a white version that wasn’t see-through."
Nicola Copping in The Times (2008)

"Ask a man which is his favourite Bond Girl outfit, and he will look as though you have asked him to recite Pythagoras’s theorem in Gaelic. He may have committed to memory every fleshy curve, every beauty spot and every inch of thigh - but with the possible exception of Ursula Andress’ bikini, the precise details of the garments 007’s paramours were spilling out of has been forgotten."
Celia Walden in The Daily Telegraph (2008)

"This bikini made me a success."
Ursula Andress


For more Humorous Fashion Quotes ... 
look out for the forthcoming book The Quotable Fashionista 

Some quotes taken from James Bond: Licence To Quote
(1500 Humorous Quotations about 007)
and
(4000 Biographical Quotations about the world's favourite secret agent)
published by Blue Eyed Books

For more great quotations, inspirational thoughts and famous sayings,
go to A2Z of Quotes or Blue Eyed Books - The Home of Humorous Quotes
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