Blue Eyed Books range of recently published quotations books. For more info click on the book covers above.

Friday, 3 February 2012

Quotable Valentine Day - Quotes about Feb 14 and why we're so stupid about Cupid!


Great Quotes about Valentine's Day - February 14th

With Valentine's Day looming ... here are a few topical quotations about the most romantic of days - or unromantic given the viewpoint of some of the sour-faced sources below ...

"Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine!"
Thomas Hood

"I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine."
Ogden Nash

"I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV."
Tracy Smith

"It's Valentine's Day - that time of year when we are once again reminded of the grand, old difference between men and women. Women are better."

"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
Robert Orben

"If you don't have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don't go looking for someone. When it's right, they'll come to you."
Carmen Electra

"Feb 14th is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day."
Jay Leno

"It's not every day that I tell you "I love you!" ... OK, maybe it is, but on Valentines Day it's the law!!"

"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon."

"Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is."
Anon (or a non-romantic)

Valentine Quotations from TV ...

Sally Solomon: "Hey you guys, why is everything so red on Valentine's Day? I mean the greeting cards, and the candy, even the tire ads."
Dr. Dick Solomon: "Well, red represents the blood that was spilled at the massacre."
Harry Solomon: "Massacre?"
Dick: "Yeah, the St. Valentine's Day massacre. It's a very big deal here on Earth."
3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick Puts the 'Id' in Cupid (2000)

Johnny Chase: "I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzso a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses... "
Eric Murphy: "No Class."
Entourage: Blue Balls Lagoon (2005)

Alex: "I don't do Valentine's Day first dates. I think it's a jinx."
Marissa: "That's okay."
Alex: "But next week, when we don't have Hallmark breathing down our necks, we'll go on a date. Cool?"
The O.C.: The Lonely Hearts Club (2005)

Dr. Robert Chase: "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dr. Allison Cameron: "A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else, it's Monday."
House MD: Insensitive (2007)

Kelly Kapoor: "I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer ... [reads] 'Roses are red. Violets are blue. Its time for your dental cleaning. And maybe a check-up too.' "
The Office: Blood Drive (2009)

If you have any favourite Valentine's quotes that you'd like to share with us, please do so in the comments box below ...


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Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The Quotable Listener - great quotes on the power of not talking


The Quiet Art of Sshhh...utting Up  

A selection of inspirational quotations on the power of not talking may seem to be a strange choice considering The Quotable Listener is an oxymoron ... and that is just the point that these thought-provoking quotes are trying to make.

So don't talk, listen to what these people are saying ...

"Listening is like a torch that dispels the darkness of ignorance."
Dalai Lama

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
Winston Churchill

"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."
Peter F. Drucker

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."

"It's only through listening that you learn, and I never want to stop learning."
Drew Barrymore

"Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction, it is just as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him."
Simone Weil

"Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery."
Joyce Brothers

"There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation."
James Nathan Miller

"It is the province of knowledge to speak And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

"A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something."
Wilson Mizner

"You need to listen to your body because your body is listening to you."
Dr. Phil McGraw

"One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."
Franklin P. Jones

"Everything in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening."
Jeanette Winterson

"The subconscious is ceaselessly murmuring, and it is by listening to these murmurs that one hears the truth."
Gaston Bachelard

"The first duty of love is to listen."
Paul Tillich

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk."
Doug Larson

"The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
Fran Lebowitz
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Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Quotable New Year - Quotations from New Year's Eve to Last Year's Resolutions.


Twelve great quotations to see in the New Year ...

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."
Oprah Winfrey

"New Year's Eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights."
Hamilton Wright Mabie

"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
P.J. O'Rourke

"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive."
Jay Leno

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
Bill Vaughan

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."
Mark Twain

"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential."
Ellen Goodman

"The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul."
G.K. Chesterton

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions."
Joey Adams

"I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second."
Helen Fielding

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle."
Eric Zorn

"It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets."
William Thomas

Happy New Year from Blue Eye Books

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Monday, 27 December 2010

The Quotable Lady Gaga - quotes from her sexuality to her fashion sense, from her music to her muses.


Lady GaGa Quotes and Quotes about Lady GaGa 

One of the most outspoken and outrageous and outgoing personalities in the world today, controversial singer-songwriter and fashion icon Lady Gaga (Poker Face, Bad Romance and Just Dance) has had a lot to say about her life, her music, her desires, her sexuality and herself ...

"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in the reflection."

"Money is completely boring to me. It means nothing, except it feeds my art."

"I'm just trying to change the world, one sequin at a time."

"A glamorous life is quite different to a life of luxury. I don’t need luxury. For years, I was practically broke but I was still very vain and glamorous. And I still am."

"I'm obsessively opposed to the typical."

"I think what Madonna and I share is that we are both fearless. We both have a lot of nerve."

"Fight and push harder for what you believe in, you'd be surprised, you are much stronger than you think."

"Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are."

"You should look nice all the time."

"You're love is nothing I can't fight. Can't sleep with a man who dims my shine."

"There are no rules or limits when it comes to love. But I see love as separate from sex."

"I don't feel like I look like the other perfect little pop singers, I think I'm changing what people think is sexy."

"People will always talk, so lets give them something to talk about."

"I talk about myself in the third person all the time. I don't live my life in the way someone like you does."

"Just dance ... it's gonna be okay."

"It's hard knowing who to trust with your personal life. When you cry in your room at night, you don't always know who to call. So I am very close to my family."

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore"

"You see legendary people taking out their trash, I think it's destroying showbusiness."

"I would rather die than have my fans see me without a pair of heels on. And that's show business."

"I want to have a husband who loves and supports me, just the way anyone else does, I am a very sentimental person and family is important to me."

"Art is life, life is art ... The question is, what came first?"

"The biggest misconception about me is I'm a character or a persona. That when the lights and cameras turn off, I turn into a pumpkin. It's simply not true. I make music and art and design all day long. Yes, I wash my face and go to sleep but when I wake up, I am always Lady GaGa."

"Celebrate all the things you don't like about yourself - love yourself."
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Thursday, 23 December 2010

THE QUOTABLE FATHER CHRISTMAS - Santa Claus quotes for some Xmas cheer


Santa Claus quotes for some Xmas cheer

In celebration of the patron saint of Christmas, here is a seasonal selection of quotations about Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Pere Noel, Kerstman, Yule Elder, Old Man Frost, Papa Noel, Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas ...

"They err who thinks Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart."
Mrs Paul M. Ell

"Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus."
Louis Sachar

"When I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real, I wasn't upset; rather, I was relieved that there was a much simpler phenomenon to explain how so many children all over the world got presents on the same night! The story had been getting pretty complicated - it was getting out of hand."
Richard P. Feynman

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
W.C. Fields

"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year."
Victor Borge

"God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat."
Henry Louis Mencken

"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?"
Arlo Guthrie

"Santa Claus is anyone who loves another and seeks to make them happy; who gives himself by thought or word or deed in every gift that he bestows."
Edwin Osgood Grover

"One of the problems we have in this country is that too many adults believe in Santa Claus, and too many children don't."
Lee Lauer

"A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset."
James Gould

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."
George Carlin

"In this age of instant coffee, overnight rush deliveries, and 30-second media sound bites, it's not surprising that children have discovered that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email."
Patrick Flaherty

"There are three stages of a man’s life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus."

More great Xmas Quotes ...

The Twelve Quotes of Christmas - Seasonal Quotations for Festive Cheer

Funny Xmas Quotes and Christmas Cheer - Putting Fun and Laughter into the Festive Season

What's so 'Special' about the Doctor Who Christmas Specials?

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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

QUOTABLE QUOTES #1 - Random Quotations linked by a common thread.


A series of 'random' quotations that make you think about life in general ... each quote is connected to the next one via a common keyword ...

“We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.”
Jeff Marder

"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
Dennis Miller

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat."
Alex Levine

"If I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume."
John Van Druten

"Happiness is perfume, you can't pour it on somebody else without getting a few drops on yourself."
James Van Der Zee

"Happiness held is the seed; happiness shared is the flower."
John Harrigan

"One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements."
Marcelene Cox

"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces."
Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"If God hadn’t meant us to hunt men, he wouldn’t have given us Wonder Bras."
Kathy Lette

"The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing."
Johnny Depp

"Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress."
Liz Smith

"The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in."
Paris Hilton

“Life is too short for reading inferior books.”
James Bryce

"Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill."
Barbara Tuchman

“A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on an installment plan.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Dying is easy, it's living that scares me to death."
Annie Lennox

Click here for more great quotations...
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Saturday, 18 December 2010

Quotations about eBooks from Franz Kafka to Stephen Fry


“Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.”
Stephen Fry

With the recent (compared to traditional printing) advent of eBooks, quotations about electronic books are few and far between with the exception of Stephen Fry's upwardly mobile example above.

So, while we wait for e-literature to catch up and provide a number of well-chosen ebook quotes, here are a few re-quotes of classic book quotations that may serve to fill the ebook void for the time being.  And who better to get us underway ...

"I get an urge, like a pregnant elephant, to go away and give birth to an ebook."
Stephen Fry

"An ebook is judged, not by its reference to life, but by its reference to other ebooks."
Stephen Fry


"eBooks serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren't very new after all."
Abraham Lincoln

"The oldest eBooks are still only just out to those who have not read them."
Samuel Butler

"The man who does not read good eBooks has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
Mark Twain

"Outside of a dog, an eBook is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx

"An eBook is like a garden carried in the pocket."
Chinese Proverb

"An eBook must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul."
Franz Kafka

"No man can be called friendless who has God and the companionship of good eBbooks."
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"If there's an eBook you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."
Toni Morrison

"Why buy a ebook when you can join a library."
Ricky Gervais

"The true university these days is a collection of ebooks."
Thomas Carlyle

"The only true equalisers in the world are ebooks; the only treasure-house open to all comers is a library; the only wealth which will not decay is knowledge; the only jewel which you can carry beyond the grave is wisdom."
J. A. Langford

"No furniture so charming as ebooks."

Sydney Smith

"eBook lovers never go to bed alone."

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Friday, 17 December 2010

What's so 'Special' about the Doctor Who Christmas Specials?

What's so 'Special' about
the Doctor Who Christmas Specials?

To make the wait for this year's Doctor Who Xmas Special - A Christmas Carol - a little easier for us impatient Who fans, I have delved back into the archives and found some reviews of the first five Specials to whet our appetite. This personal selection goes a long way to explaining what makes for a great Dr Who Special and where the festive format falls down.

So what of the early Who yuletide episodes? Some have been crackers, some have been turkeys. Some have had all the trimmings, others have had a little too much stuffing. All have featured the Tenth Doctor and all have generated a mountain of reviews - good and bad, funny and sad, sensible and mad ...

"The thing about Doctor Who Christmas Specials is that they are now traditionally required to fulfil a number of audience expectations. They have to be brash, no nonsense populist affairs with an ersatz seasonal message or spirit of intention. It's no good examining the plot that closely or digging around for complex existential homilies because it won't stand up to the pressure."
Frank Collins on (2008)

"Obviously, there has to be some sort of monster. It wouldn't be Doctor Who on Christmas Day if there wasn't something to freak you out."
David Tennant on (2007)

"Doctor Who and Christmas go together like marmite and cheese. Or marmite and jam. Or whatever the hell English people eat marmite with. The point is, they go together well."
Teresa Jusino on (2007)

"If you’re looking for subtleties, a bit of quietness and a little bit of restraint and withdrawal over the festive period, then the past few years have proven that the Doctor Who Christmas Special is absolutely not the place to find it."
Simon Brew on (2009)

"If the Doctor Who Christmas Special really is the franchise's shop window then isn't it about time we got the Fenwicks treatment instead of another gaudy sale at What Everybody Wants?"
Neil Perryman on (2008)

"Doctor Who is deliriously camp at the best of times, so it makes sense that putting it together with Christmas will notch the Ugly Sister factor up to 11."
Dan Martin on (2010)

"It’s a measure of the remarkable success of the 21st century reboot of Doctor Who that the show’s special 60-minute Christmas episode has, after only one previous outing, already been accorded the sort of acclaim and anticipation historically reserved for the likes of Morecambe and Wise and Only Fools and Horses."
Paul Mount on

"Christmas television was a big deal when I was young. It was the only time of the year that my mum would buy the Radio Times and the TV Times, and I used to love poring over them - I think that’s quite a common British experience. So I’m thrilled to have been part of that for the last few years. We’ll have done five Christmas Specials and Doctor Who seems such an obvious fit for Christmas television, doesn’t it?"
David Tennant (2009)

The Christmas Invasion (2005)

"The Christmas Invasion is an important episode of Doctor Who, not least because it introduces a new Doctor. It is the first Christmas special for forty years (to the day); it is the first Christmas Special to exist in the BBC's archives, and it is the first Christmas Special to exist independently of a wider story. The fact that it is written by Russell T. Davies carries negative connotations for many (myself included) but I was in a forgiving mood for this one: a Christmas special is intrinsically campier and less serious than a regular episode and so I am prepared to let quite a lot go."
Ed Martin on

"When I read the script, I thought, 'This is quite dark and kids will be petrified to go near their Christmas trees.' But they love being scared."
Billie Piper on (2005)

"Billie Piper was a real jingle-belle as she tried to stand up to the aliens."
Sara Nathan in The Sun (2005)

"The most wildly anticipated show of the season - the Doctor Who Christmas Special. 'Wildly anticipated' because a) Doctor Who was the best show of 2005 by about 16 billion parsecs and b) it's our first proper chance to see David Tennant in action. Thank God, then, that this doesn't disappoint in the slightest. In fact, it's possibly the greatest Christmas episode of any programme ever."
Charlie Brooker in The Guardian (2005)

"Casanova, in pyjamas, fighting the Sycorax with a broadsword? What greater gift could womankind receive on Christmas Day?"
Caitlin Moran in The Times (2005)

"Psycho Santas, a killer Christmas tree, a great sword fight, The Doctor coming over all domestic as he tucks into his Christmas dinner - all this and a burst of Slade's perennial it-wouldn't-be-Christmas-without-it hit Merry Christmas Everybody too - what more could you ask for in a Christmas present?! It actually made the tedium and despair of the Christmas season worthwhile!"
Kevin Stone on

"Mickey Smith played 'Adric.' A supporting role that adds little to the episode other than to remind viewers that the concept of 'family' is central at Christmastime."
Matthew Walter on

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Wednesday, 15 December 2010



from Hemingway to Vonnegut

"You know it makes one feel rather good deciding not to be a bitch."
Ernest Hemingway, For Whom The Bell Tolls

"A sentence should read as if its author, had he held a plough instead of a pen, could have drawn a furrow deep and straight to the end."
Henry David Thoreau, A Week on the Concord

"When one writes a novel about grown people, he knows exactly where to stop - that is, with a marriage; but when he writes of juveniles, he must stop where he best can." 
Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

"I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot."
J.D. Salinger, Catcher In The Rye

"I'm glad I haven't got the sort of conscience I've got to nurse like a sick puppy all the time."
William Faulkner, The Sound And The Fury

"A phrase began to beat in my ears with a sort of heady excitement: 'There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy, and the tired."
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

"The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."
Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird

"One of the biggest troubles of hitchhiking is having to talk to innumerable people, make them feel that they didn't make a mistake picking you up."
Jack Kerouac, On The Road

"While men believe in the infinite some ponds will be thought to be bottomless."
Henry David Thoreau, Walden

"The conquest of the earth, which mostly means the taking it away from those who have a different complexion or slightly flatter noses than ourselves, is not a pretty thing when you look into it too much."
Joseph Conrad, Heart Of Darkness

"But the pearls were accidents, and the finding of one was luck, a little pat on the back by God or the gods both."
John Steinbeck, The Pearl

"He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt, and his only mission each time he went up was to come down alive."
Joseph Heller, Catch-22

"She was made glad in vague ways by the battle, for this was the love-making of the Wild, the sex-tragedy of the natural world that was tragedy only to those that died."
Jack London, White Fang

"It seemed hardly the face of a man alive, with such a deathlike hue; it was hardly a man with life in him that tottered on his path so nervelessly, yet tottered, and did not fall!"
 Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlett Letter

"The line of the buildings stood clear-cut and black against the sky; here and there out of the mass rose the great chimneys, with the river of smoke streaming away to the end of the world."
Upton Sinclair, The Jungle

"The sea had jeeringly kept his finite body up, but drowned the infinite of his soul."
Herman Melville, Moby Dick

"In the rotation of crops there was a recognised season for wild oats; but they were not to be sown more than once."
Edith Wharton The Age of Innocence

"One of the hardest conditions of boyhood is the almost continuous strain put upon the powers of invention by the constant and harassing necessity for explanations of every natural act."
Booth Tarkington, Penrod

"He is in a constant state of stage fright, he says, because he never knows what part of his life he is going to have to act in next."
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

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UK version

TV ANNOUNCER (Susie Blake): We would like to apologise to viewers in the North. It must be awful for you.

Det. Insp. JACK FROST (David Jason) to a new recruit: Were you born cold-blooded? Or is there some sort of transfusion you can get on the NHS these days?

ANNA FORBES (Daniela Nardini): Well if you'll excuse me, I've got a long bath and a short dress to get into.

NICK HARPER (Kris Marshall): Driving school tells you to keep two hands on the wheel at all times, I mean what are they thinking of? I mean what are you supposed to if you've got a phone in one hand and a kebab in the other?

MRS SLOCOMBE (Molly Sugden) apologising for being late: The central heating broke down and I had to hold my pussy in front of it. It was frozen solid.
ARE YOU BEING SERVED?: Mrs. Slocombe Expects

GRANVILLE (David Jason): Genuine Jamaican ginger cakes? What do you mean genuine? They've never been anywhere near Jamaica.
ARKWRIGHT (Ronnie Barker): What's that g-g-g ... got to do with it? We sell Mars bars, don't we?

MAN IN BED (John Fortune): Has your husband got a gun?
WOMAN IN BED (Eleanor Bron): Yes.
MAN: Marvellous! What kind?
WOMAN: Ooh! I don’t know. It’s Russian, I think … begins with an S … Sawnoff?

DOCTOR (Patrick Cargill): A pint is a perfectly normal quantity to take!
TONY HANCOCK: You don’t seriously expect me to believe that! I mean, I came here in good faith to help my country. I don’t mind giving a reasonable amount, but a pint … that’s very nearly an armful.

FRANK LASLETT (John Forgeham): I think you should be my agent, I'm the one who needs an image makeover.
HAZEL BAILEY (Alison Newman): Sorry Frank, even if you gave both your kidneys to dying babies you'd still smell like a septic tank.

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The Twelve Quotes of Christmas - Seasonal Quotations for Festive Cheer

The Twelve Quotes of Christmas

brought to you by


The Home of Humorous Quotes 


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Thursday, 9 December 2010

The Quotable Motorist - funny quotations about cars and their drivers.


Funny quotations about cars and their drivers.

Compiled by Colin M Jarman

The following car quotes are taken from the forthcoming book Laughing Gear: The Quotable Top Gear - 1000 quotations about cars and their drivers to be published by Blue Eyed Books in 2011.

"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks."
Scott Adams

"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."
Tim Allen

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
Woody Allen

"Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down."
Russell Baker

"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers."
Dave Barry

"Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him."
Art Buchwald

"If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside."
Robert Cringely

"Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car."
Will Durst

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
Albert Einstein

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
Doug Larson

"There’s an undeniable pleasure in stepping into an open-topped sports car driven by a beautiful woman. It feels like you’re stepping into a metaphor."
Hugh Laurie

"Remember when you used to tie the Christmas tree to the top of your car and drive home? Now our SUV's are so big, the trees fit inside. The new Cadillac Escalade actually has a Christmas tree holder on the dash."
Jay Leno

"When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there's a good chance the transmission is shot."
Larry Lujack

"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead."
Mac McCleary

"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it."
Dudley Moore

"Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. They are, literally, selfless. A world designed for automobiles instead of people would have wider streets, larger dining rooms, fewer stairs to climb and no smelly, dangerous subway stations."
P.J. O'Rourke

"Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597."
Victoria Wood

The above car quotations are taken from the forthcoming book Laughing Gear: The Quotable Top Gear - 1000 quotations about cars and their drivers to be published by Blue Eyed Books in 2011.

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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

"I come to praise Celebrity, not bury it!" - A collection of celebrity praise.


A selection of quotations that heap on praise like a six-handed coal shoveller working in the furnaces of Hell.

Here at Blue Eyed Books, we are working on a number of new book titles and one such is The Big Book of Celebrity Praise. Having previously published books of insults and poisonous quotes, we thought it was about time we reported on the other end of the spectrum.

While, The Big Book of Celebrity Praise is not due to be published until the end of 2011, here are a few tasters of things to come ...


"That exquisite handwriting like a fly which has been trained at the Russian ballet."
James Agate, Diary (1944)

"The facts in this case, ladies and gentlemen, are simple. The first thing you should know, and probably the last, too, is that P.G. Wodehouse is still the funniest writer ever to have put words on paper. Fact number two: with the Jeeves stories, Wodehouse created the best of the best. I speak as one whose first love was Blandings, and who later took immense pleasure from Psmith, but Jeeves is the jewel, and anyone who tries to tell you different can be shown the door, the mini-cab, the train station, and Terminal 4 at Heathrow with a clear conscience. The world of Jeeves is complete and integral, every bit as structured, layered, ordered, complex and self-contained as King Lear, and considerably funnier."
Hugh Laurie in The Daily Telegraph (1999)

"I have only read one book in my life, and that is White Fang. It’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another."
Uncle Matthew in Nancy Mitford's Love in a Cold Climate (1949)

"Meeting Franklin Roosevelt was like opening your first bottle of Champagne; knowing him was like drinking it.
Winston Churchill

"Cyd Charisse was the only woman who looked as good naked as she did dressed."
Helen Rose - Metro's house designer

"A dancer with the fanciest feet on the street … Jackson may dance like Baryshnikov straddling a jackhammer, move like a street blood steeped in Astaire and t’ai chi … the sexual dynamism irradiating from the arch of his dancing body challenges Government standards for a nuclear meltdown."
Time magazine (1984)

"Death would be a beautiful place if it looks like Brad Pitt."
Carmen Electra

"Ameica's Sweethearts, a terrifically funny romantic comedy, is a slam-dunk for Julia Roberts, the Michael Jordan of cuteness."
Desson Thomson in The Washington Post (2001)

"The Ferrari 355 is the automotive equivalent of a quail's egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts' belly button."
Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear

"Watching Darcey Bussell dance is like seeing a rare butterfly alight with weightless grace."
Kate Kellaway in The Observer (2007)

"Had Shakespeare or Joyce or Dickens or Puccini been sitting in Cineworld with me watching Mamma Mia!, they would have nodded thunderously with approval and left the cinema muttering: 'I want a piece of that.' "
Melanie Reid in The Times (2008)

TWILIGHT - The Movie
"In the 17-million-copy land of Twilight, the calling card isn't blood and fangs, but the exquisite, shimmering quiver of unconsummated first love. By that measure, the movie version gives really good swoon."
Chuck Wilson in The Village Voice (2008)

"His wit should be registered at police headquarters as a lethal weapon."
Kathy Lette on Celebrity Cash in the Attic (2010)

We shall be adding to this list over the next few months ... until publication of the book in late 2011.

For more info on The Big Book of Celebrity Praise and the other fun / humour / quotes books from Blue Eyed Books, visit the official website at Blue Eyed Books.

If you have any examples of celebrity praise you'd like to share with us, please add them in the comments box below. The most outrageous the better ...
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Tuesday, 7 December 2010

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 900-YEAR-OLD? A Dr Who Quiz to win a copy of The Quotable Doctor Who

900-YEAR-OLD ?


This fun-packed, thought-provoking Doctor Who themed quiz should separate the Whovians from the Whovianots.

To celebrate the publication of the First Volume in The Quotable Doctor Who series, Blue Eyed Books are giving you the chance to win a copy of Vol One signed by both co-authors - Colin M Jarman and Catherine A Davies.

To win a copy of Volume One, complete the following quiz, fill out your name, email and country and we shall be in touch with the answers and winner once the competition has closed on January 10th, 2011.

The winner will be the entrant who has answered the most questions correctly. In the event of a tie, a name will be chosen at random from those with the most correct answers.
Standard Blue Eyed Books competition terms and conditions apply.

Competition ends on Jan 10th 2011. All entrants will be notified of the correct answers, their score and whether they won the signed copy of Volume One. Thanks for playing.

For more Doctor Who quotations and details of The Quotable Doctor Who quotes series visit our partner site Who Said What About Dr Who blog or Blue Eyed Books Quotable Doctor Who pages.

Volume Two [Enemies, Monsters and Other Characters] in The Quotable Doctor Who series is due to be published by Blue Eyed Books in Spring 2011.

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Saturday, 4 December 2010

Funny Xmas Quotes and Christmas Cheer: Putting Fun and Laughter into the Festive Season


A Personal Collection of Christmas Quotations
Fun-Packed Festive Humor
compiled by Colin M Jarman 
of Blue Eyed Books (The Home of Humorous Quotations).

XMAS EXTRACTS from Classic Television Shows
"Everybody knows that the Wise Men arrived in Bethlehem before the Rose Bowl game."
Bob on The Bob Newhart Show

"Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper will utter those heartfelt words, 'Is this all I got?' "
Frasier [Kelsey Grammar] on Cheers

"Parker I'm your mother. Mother's don't lie to their sons. Now go wash your hands or Santa's not gonna bring you anything for Christmas."
Lynette [Felicity Huffman] on Desperate Housewives

"I should've known better than to listen to someone who said the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus killed each other ... so don't expect anything for Christmas'."
George on George Lopez

"He never calls, he never writes, I only hear from him at Christmas when he sends me a cheddar cheese nativity scene. I'm Catholic, I can't spread a wise man on a Ritz cracker."
Sophia [Estelle Getty] on The Golden Girls

"Like we say in St. Olaf, Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy!"
Rose [Betty White] on The Golden Girls

"Christmas is not about being with people you like. It's about being with your family."
Tim [Tim Allen] on Home Improvement

Answering the phone at work on Christmas Day - "Ho-ho-homicide!"
Det. John Munch [Richard Belzer] on Homicide: Life on the Streets

"No presents for Christmas? That's like Easter without high-stakes poker."
Jack [George Segal] on Just Shoot Me

"The next person who wishes me a merry Christmas is gonna get decked along with the halls!"
Thelma [Vicki Lawrence] on Mama's Family

"A fat woman came into the shoe store today and wanted a pair of shoes to wear to a Christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star on her butt, and go as the world's largest, ugliest Christmas tree."
Al [Ed O'Neill] on Married With Children

"Hey guys, since our wives are downtown feeding Christmas dinners for the homeless, shouldn't we be at the nudie bar feeding dollars to the topless?"
Jefferson [Ted McGinley] on Married With Children

"It's Saint Patrick's day. Here in Scranton, St. Paddy's day is a big deal. It is the closest the Irish will ever have to Christmas."
Michael [Steve Carell] on The Office

"I like everything about Christmas. Except the Chipmunk Song. And shopping, I hate shopping. I never know what to get anyone, especially Gibbs. What do you get a guy who has nothing and wants nothing?"
Abby [Pauley Perrette] on NCIS

"Twinkling colored lights are nice and so are plastic Santas and reindeers and nativity scenes, but let me tell you something. There's nothing like the sight of a beautiful, black-as-pitch raven to get you in the Christmas spirit."
Chris [John Corbett] on Northern Exposure

"Don't talk to me about Christmas. All that sticky, phony goodwill. I'd like to get a giant candy cane and beat the wings off a sugar plum fairy."
Oscar [Jack Klugman] on The Odd Couple

"For the next three hours, we'll be absolutely kid free. It'll be like that time we lost them at the mall. That was the best Christmas ever."
Homer [Don Castellaneta] on The Simpsons

"We got so caught up in the little things of Christmas, like Love and Family, that we almost forgot it's buying things that makes our economy thrive."
Miss Diane [Trey Parker] on South Park

"On this Christmas Eve, I just want to say watch out for drunk drivers. And don't pick up anybody who might puke in your cab!"
Louie [Danny DeVito] on Taxi

"Grace. It's Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus ... up in that tower, letting his hair down ... so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter."
Karen [Megan Mullally] on Will and Grace

"This is the worst Christmas ever. I had thought it was the one when our parents bought us hamsters and forgot to poke holes in the boxes, but at least that had a moment of suspense."
Brian [Steven Weber] on Wings

The above selection of festive quotes is taken from the forthcoming book BOX OF LAUGHS: Funny TV Quotes to be published in 2011 by Blue Eyed Books.

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Friday, 3 December 2010

Top Ten Quotations about Libraries, Books and Knowledge


To celebrate an often overlooked and underfunded community resource, these are my Top Ten Quotes about Libraries and Books ...

"If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need."
Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Perhaps no place in any community is so totally democratic as the town library. The only entrance requirement is interest."
Lady Bird Johnson

"Libraries allow children to ask questions about the world and find the answers. And the wonderful thing is that once a child learns to use a library, the doors to learning are always open."
Laura Bush

"A library in a town is an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge! It blossoms through the year!"
Richard B. Sheridan

"I've got a vendetta to destroy the Internet, to make everyone go to the library. I love the organic thing of pen and paper, ink on canvas. I love going down to the library, the feel and smell of books."
Joseph Fiennes

"Nothing sickens me more than the closed door of a library."
Barbara Tuchman

"A library is thought in cold storage."
Herbert Samuel

"What is more important in a library than anything else - than everything else - is the fact that it exists."
Archibald MacLeish

"When I read about the way in which library funds are being cut and cut, I can only think that ... society has found one more way to destroy itself."
Isaac Asimov

"I need to use one of my most important investigative tools - my library card."
Det. Robert Goren [Vincent D'Onofrio] on Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Quotations compiled by Colin M Jarman of Blue Eyed Books

My favourite joke about libraries ...

"So he said, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.' "
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Thursday, 2 December 2010

Dr Who Quotes Book - The Quotable Doctor Who: 2000 quotations about the world's favourite Time Lord.


The Quotable Doctor Who

PRESS RELEASE: "The TARDIS of Quotations Books"

VOLUME ONE: A Cosmic and Comic Collection of
2000 Biographical Quotations about The Doctor
by Colin M Jarman and Catherine A Davies

"I love this show as much as ever. It has not diminished as I feared it would. I can still catch a Jon Pertwee repeat on UK Gold and be happy as a Zygon."
Russell T. Davies in The Guardian (2005)

LONDON. UK - The Quotable Doctor Who delivers the first-ever, comprehensive collection of standalone quotations about Doctor Who - the show and character … in the words of those involved with the productions, as well as considerable and considered contributions from critics, reviewers, fans, and many more …

"The Doctor - the last Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey, a sort of intergalactic, time-travelling sheriff with a special fondness for Earth."
Mike Hale in The New York Times (2010)

The Quotable Doctor Who contains over 2000 interesting quotations and insightful comments about the TV show from the first black and white episode in 1963 to the HD wonders of 2010.

This publication from Blue Eyed Books covers all eleven TV incarnations of the Doctor - both character and actor - William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Matt Smith as well as other film and TV Doctors: Peter Cushing & William Hurndall.

This deeply-researched and well-presented compendium includes observations and opinions about all The Doctor's companions from the first Susan Foreman to the current Amy Pond, with the likes of Jo Grant, Sarah Jane Smith, Mel Bush, Rose Tyler, Captain Jack, Donna Noble and Martha Jones in between ...

On The Doctor getting younger - "What is odd is that the companions have remained pretty much the same nubile, up-for-it age. They began as children out with a cranky magical uncle of a sort that was common in Edwardian children’s books, but have now ended up with an intergalactic blind date."
A.A. Gill in The Sunday Times (2010)

There are special sections on The Doctor's 'accessories' from the TARDIS to his Sonic Screwdriver; and the three Doctor Who movies & TV spin-offs such as Torchwood and The Sarah Jane Adventures.

"The TARDIS may have been impressively roomy but it would still only be a changing room for Superman."
Steve Tomkins in Third Way (2006)

"The Sonic Screwdriver sounds like something Carrie would drink in Sex And The City but in fact this nifty little gizmo was all that Doctor Who needed to defeat the Daleks, mend the TARDIS and fit K-9 with a collar for his cyberfleas."
The Sunday Herald (2003)

"Sarah Jane is getting her own show, it's aimed towards the kiddies, but it doesn't get the overkill that Torchwood gets in its series two. Can the series Harriet Jones, Prime Minister be far behind?"
Jeff Swindoll on (2007)

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Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Funny Quotes Books make Great Christmas Gift Ideas from James Bond to Doctor Who, from Poker to Dancing and more!

Fun Quotations Books for Best Xmas Gifts

Stuck for the perfect Christmas gift for a friend or loved one ... or maybe even a special treat for yourself?

Blue Eyed Books' range of fun-packed quotes books are an ideal present ... and with 1000s of quotations in each book, this is surely a gift that keeps on giving!

Choose from our great range of titles from James Bond to Doctor Who, Dancing to Poker, Film Reviews to Bitching ...

2000 quotations about the world's favourite Time Lord
from William Hartnell in 1963 to Matt Smith in 2010.

Click here for more details ....

1500 humorous quotations about the world's favourite spy
from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig 

Click here for more details ....

1500 funny quotations about Poker, Poker Stars & Poker Movies
from Five Card Stud to No Limit Texas Hold 'em.

Click here for more details ....


2000 of the best 'worst' movie reviews of the 21st century

from Affleck to Zeta-Jones, from Avatar to Zoolander.

Click here for more details .... 

1300 funny quotations about Dance on Stage and Film
from Dirty Dancing to High School Musical.

Click here for more details ....

2000 biographical quotations about the world's greatest dancer

from Flying Down to Rio to The Band Wagon and more.

Click here for more details ....

1000 humorous quotations about dancing on TV
from Dancing With The Stars to So You Think You Can Dance.

Click here for more details ....

1500 humorous quotations about dancing on TV
from Strictly Come Dancing to SYTYCD and more.

Click here for more details ....

2000 bitchy comment by women about famous women
from Hollywood Bitch Queens to British Bitch Slaps and more.

Click here for more details .... 

Click here for more details on all these great quotations books and future fun quotes titles from Blue Eyed Books.


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